Beat the market, any market, any time!!

I think some of my colleagues place unusual things on my desk, secretly hoping I diligently read them through and through - all the while hoping I proceed to the blog, unleashing a spotlight of scorn and contempt on the ridiculousness and folly of what we receive as junk mail sometimes.

Yes, I have one that is a keeper today! The headline reads: BEAT THE MARKET, ANY MARKET, ANY TIME!

What I like most about this one...is that they devised approx 9 different investor types, placed them in bold headlines, and declared how a certain strategy will deliver out-sized gains no matter which one you follow.

Conservative Investors - safely enjoy annual returns of 88.45%
Long-Term Investors - profits of 173% are possible
Aggressive Investors - get in and out fast...key trades for profits of 200% or more in weeks
Speculative Investors - the risk is greater, but the return could be more than 760% in months
Short Sellers - discovering the secrets of 19 and 44% in as little as 2 months
ETF Investors - imagine seeing impressive 47% returns
Option Traders - enjoy returns of 100% or more in weeks
Natural Resource Investors & Retirement Investors round out the list....

Plus, this guy named Bart DiLiddo says, "Only with VectorVest OnLine market timing system can you make profits 99.46% of the time. It has never failed and never will!"

Gee whiz, ain't it cool that "conservative investors" can "safely" get 88% type returns, espcially in a day and age when CD's yield 5%, the 10-Year Treasury is 4%, and US Govt Money Market Funds pay 4.75%. If you're an aggressive or speculative investor, you stand to achieve returns even greater than the "conservative and safe" 88%...how bout that!!